Two Guys, A Girl, and their Dad
by LafiTafi
Summary: A weird & dif look at Legolas & Mirkwood during The Hobbit. Ch10: Cliffhanger! Like, an ACTUAL not funny cliffhanger. The 2nd genre is "general" you know. "Order me to flee, you idiot!” -Dorlinen ~*Tafi*~
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Most places and a good number of characters in this story belong solely to JRR Tolkien and his kin, not to me. I'm making no money off this, as I'm sure you know since you're not paying anything right now.  
  
T/N: Hello everyone! So, you managed to stumble on this. Thank you. This chapter's kind of introductory, but I guess it's ok. Enjoy! BTW, my friend XxDragon Princess NikkixX came up with the title and I found it funny cuz I'm a dork. Please don't laugh TOO hard at her.  
  
~*Tafi*~  
Chapter 1  
  
Legolas sighed and sat lightly on his windowsill. It was a beautiful morning and he was reading his favorite book. 'Nothing, not even Randir, can ruin today,' he thought as a soft breeze blew slowly through the trees and brushed his hair into his sapphire blue eyes.  
  
Someone sighed dreamily. "His golden hair is so soft and silky. . ."  
  
Legolas blinked. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? The voice was so quiet; maybe he was imagining it. He glanced outside.  
  
"His blue eyes are so bright they make even the clearest of skies seem gray. . . especially when it's raining."  
  
He gulped. It was her. 'I'd best just get out of here carefully and slowly. No sudden movements.' Legolas carefully closed the book and stood up before walking silently towards the door. She spoke again, only slightly louder.  
  
"Oh, his body! If only I could just gently grip his-"  
  
Legolas broke out into an open run and slammed the door behind him. He looked quickly around and sprinted down the hall to a random room on his right. He closed the door behind him, took a deep breath, and opened his eyes.  
  
"Oh no, not you!"  
  
"It's nice to see you too, little brother." Randir grinned wickedly at Legolas, who let out a low moan. His brother beckoned Legolas to sit between him and another Elf. Legolas shook his head.  
  
"Whatever you and your friend are plotting, I don't want to be a part of it," Legolas said flatly. Randir pouted.  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
Randir laughed. "Come on, Legolas. You're smart, we need your help."  
  
"No. You and your friend can plan whatever you're planning without me. I'm just going to sit quietly in the corner." He did so. Randir raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because why?"  
  
"Shut up, Randir."  
  
Randir stood and quickly strode to where Legolas sat. "You will not speak to your better in that tone, little brother."  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes. "Lay off it, Randir."  
  
Randir grinned and shrugged. He sat by his friend again. "Alright. But if you change your mind, we'd love your help."  
  
Legolas wouldn't admit it, but he wanted to. Randir always seemed to have so much fun performing the most primitive to the most complicated pranks on anyone and everyone whom he thought needed to lighten up. Legolas had had a fair share committed against himself. But the last thing Legolas would ever want was to be punished. Time and time again, he had seen his father yelling at his brother and Legolas could think of nothing more terrifying than what he had seen. Moreover, Legolas didn't relish in the idea of scrubbing the throne with a rag the size of his eye or cleaning the stables with a spoon or whatever other random punishment the king could come up with.  
  
"Legolas?"  
  
Legolas looked up. "What?"  
  
"Legolas, you've been staring at me for about ten minutes. It's very unnerving. . ."  
  
"Oh. Uh. . . I-I, um. . ." Legolas stuttered. He decided he wouldn't get involved. No, he had to live a little every now and then. No, having fun for five minutes so he could spend a week finishing a punishment wasn't living. Maybe Randir wouldn't bother him as much if he proved he wasn't afraid of punishment, though. Legolas bit his lip. His father would be so disappointed in him.  
  
Randir rolled his eyes. "Forget it, Legolas. You're being too dramatic. We were only going to put spider threads on the seat of Cal's favorite dress or something."  
  
Legolas felt slightly disappointed. "B-but I'll help you! We can come up with something better!"  
  
Randir chuckled quietly. "You're adorable, Lego. Sure, come here." Legolas smiled and sat beside him. "We need to come up with something cruel to do to Cal."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Randir blinked. "I, uh, because we do. She's one hundred fifty in three days. Our baby sister will finally be coming of age!" Randir wrapped an arm over Legolas's shoulder. "It's our duty as her older brothers, and his as a random person," Randir wrapped his other arm around his friend, "to make it a day she'll never forget."  
  
"You're planning to make her butt sticky?"  
  
"Have you got a better idea?" Randir raised his eyebrows hopefully. "I'm sorry, but we're idiots and can't think of anything better than making her stick to her seat at the feast."  
  
"That's very immature." Legolas stated. "We should put the spider threads in her hairbrush!"  
  
Randir frowned and seemed to be thinking it over. "That's a lot better than Dor's plan."  
  
"Dor?"  
  
"Me," Randir's friend said with a grimace, "and I'm not a door. My name is Dorlinen."  
  
Randir nodded. "But you can call him either Dor or Linen."  
  
"No," Dor corrected, "you can call me Dorl, Prince Legolas."  
  
"Pleased to meet you, Dorl," Legolas smiled.  
  
"And you, your highness."  
  
Randir yawned. "You two are boring." He and Dorl stood. "We'll put spider threads in her hairbrush," He grinned. "If we're lucky she'll have to cut her hair to get it out!" he said hopefully. They walked to the door. Randir turned. "Aren't you coming, Legolas?"  
  
"Where? It's in three days; we can't put the threads in the brush now."  
  
"No, but we actually need to get the threads."  
  
Legolas turned pale. "How are we going to do that?"  
  
Randir sighed and pulled Legolas up. "I can't believe I said you were smarter than me. We have to visit a web, obviously."  
  
"F-from one of those little spiders whose legs are only as long as a finger, right?"  
  
"No, the bigger the spider, the stronger and stickier the web." Randir said as if Legolas were only thirty. "Now come on," he glanced out the window, "it's about half an hour after noon. No one's anywhere near the armory right now."  
  
"R-Randir?" Legolas sputtered. "Maybe w-we could cut all her h-hair off while she's s-sleeping."  
  
"Well. . ." Randir scrunched his nose in thought, ". . .no. That'd be rude."  
T/N: That's a start, right? Well, obviously, but is it a good start? Please let me know! Thanks for reading all the way through! (I'm assuming if you read this all the way through that you enjoyed it)  
  
~*Tafi*~ 


	2. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

T/N: Hey! Sup? How are you, my two wonderful reviewers? Thanks, btw!  
  
Very simply put, edgy wedgy. *giggles* I like saying that out loud! *says edgy wedgy about 3 dozen times aloud* Smuff (aka Jade6 *giggles* & Alida- Fruit) , you can imagine where the story's going? GREAT! I TRY to make something that's actually interesting & you know where it's going! ^_~ j/k. Didja love Randir? Lafi does too. "Tavari" is her name from barrowdowns.com. You'll know why I said that soon enough. What's so funny bout the summary? -_- Freak.  
  
Eh. . . sorry. I shouldn't be calling one of the 2 people that actually reviewed a freak.  
  
Sorry the update took so long. I'm grounded from the net & Lafi recently got grounded too, (I got the reviews Monday at school! ^_~) so all updates count completely on XxDragon Princess NikkixX's willingness to help me out. Thanks chick!  
  
Hope you like this! Enjoy!  
  
N/N: *giggles* I stole this from Tafi. Nikki's note? Get it? Er, neways. I am updating here for tafi and I thought I oughta say something. Tafi is gonna either 1) laugh her head off that I am writing in the beginning of her story 2) roll her eyes and call me dumb 3) glare at the screen, call me up, and yell at me 4) all of the above 5) both 1 and 2 (this is the most likely one). But now I bet your all mad at me for writing here and not letting you continue on to the story, aren't you? Well all I can say is this is a really great chappie, be prepared to laugh!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
King Thranduil sat awkwardly on the head chair in the royal family's dining room. Usually at least one of his children would join him for the midday meal. Where were they?  
  
Randir was probably training and toning his skills as a warrior. Or, perhaps he was training and toning some other skills with Tavari so they would be ready for their wedding night . . . Thranduil grimaced. Randir was probably somewhere sword fighting- no, that didn't do. He was most likely aiming for some target somewhere and hitting it dead center- no, that didn't do either. Randir was playing some sort of game, and only forgot lunch because he was scoring so much-  
  
Thranduil decided to quickly think of his other children before he lost his appetite. Legolas was reading somewhere. That was obvious. He might be in the library, but he probably wasn't. Thranduil sighed. The youngest prince could be anywhere. Thranduil could go seek him, but he didn't feel up to searching the whole palace. Besides, the food would get cold.  
  
The Elvenking's brow furrowed. Calinuel should be here. Never in her life had she missed an opportunity to eat - and she ate a lot. Thranduil looked at the food set before him and rubbed his chin. There was no way he could eat all of this without at least his daughter joining him. He raised a golden eyebrow before grinning and biting into a roll. This was a challenge he was willing to take.  
  
~*~  
  
"IVA! Get down from there! We're discussing important matters and you aren't getting out of it! Don't give me that look! COME DOWN!"  
  
Ivariel sighed heavily. Her love had left his room anyway; she might as well come down. She climbed down the tree very slowly however, just to bother her friend.  
  
"I order you to go faster!"  
  
Ivariel rolled her eyes. "I don't have to listen to you! You haven't even come of age yet!"  
  
"I'm the princess! You're the subject! HURRY UP!"  
  
Ivariel grinned and started climbed back up tree.  
  
"Hurry down! HURRY DOWN!"  
  
Ivariel started going down again. "I still don't have to follow your orders. My father's the chief advisor to the king!"  
  
"My father IS the king! HURRY U- I mean DOWN!"  
  
"I still don't have to listen to you. You're a child."  
  
"I'll be one hundred fifty in three days!"  
  
"Exactly. You aren't quite there yet."  
  
Another voice drifted from the ground. "Iva, shut up! Stop arguing with Cali and get down here or we won't care about your opinion." Several more voices called out in agreement. Ivariel sighed and jumped the rest of the distance. She curtsied in respect to the princess.  
  
"Sorry, my lady. I was very comfortable up there. What do you need me for?"  
  
Princess Calinuel grinned wickedly. "You were spying on my brother again, weren't you?"  
  
Ivariel grimaced. "Yuck! No! Besides, Randir's got Tav-"  
  
"No!" Calinuel interrupted and crossed her arms. "You know I mean Legolas."  
  
"OfcourseIhaven't."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why did you call me down here anyway?" Ivariel changed the subject irritably. "Seriously, I found the most comfortable little nook in one of the branches in that tree, and if you called me down here for nothing I'll just go back up." Ivariel bent her legs to jump.  
  
"Wait! Come on, Iva - we're going to my wardrobe to see if there's anything good in it. If there isn't, we're going to Rin's wardrobe," Calinuel gestured towards the girl who had told Ivariel to shut up, "then if all of her dresses aren't good enough we'll try Renolith's, Golrieth's, Ainaleth's, and yours."  
  
Ivariel stared stupidly at the young princess. "Why?"  
  
Calinuel rolled her eyes. "I need the perfect dress for the feast and the party! My birthday is in three days, Iva! Now let's go!"  
  
~*~  
  
"Wait!" Legolas called as the threesome passed the armory. "Where are you going? Aren't we getting any weapons?"  
  
Randir looked confused. "Why?"  
  
"Why not? What if the spiders catch us?"  
  
"Legolas, the spiders are nocturnal," Randir said, rolling his eyes. "They hate the light of day. They'll be sleeping."  
  
Legolas couldn't believe his ears. "What if one wakes, Randir? Did you think of that?"  
  
Randir bit his lower lip bashfully. "No, not really," he admitted. "But, if one does, simply climb a tree or something. They're probably terrified of the sun." Legolas didn't appear convinced. Randir sighed and walked towards him. He smiled comfortingly before turning to Dorlinen. "The last one to the side door has to get the threads!" he shouted as he ran down the hallway.  
  
Dorlinen hurriedly followed, as did Legolas very reluctantly.  
  
~*~  
  
The Elvenking of Mirkwood couldn't hold in a loud and most undignified belch. He giggled childishly as it echoed around the empty room. He looked around the table. There was so much food left! He held his stomach protectively and almost whimpered. Then he saw something he hadn't before. Blackberries!  
  
Thranduil reached across the table and grabbed a bowl filled with his favorite food. He promptly ate one. And another. And then another. Rolling his eyes and remembering he was alone, he grabbed a handful of blackberries and forced then all into his mouth. Chewing them became very difficult and he almost immediately began choking. A few hard punches to his chest did their job, but Thranduil had to quickly cover his mouth to avoid creating a huge mess. After chewing very slowly and carefully, he swallowed.  
  
Glaring at the bowl of blackberries, Thranduil told the blackberries he would never risk his life in such a stupid way ever again. To prove his point, he openly ate some meat. The blackberries stared solemnly at him. Thranduil cackled and emptied his wine goblet. The blackberries pouted sadly. Convincing himself that he was hurting the blackberries' feelings, Thranduil took another handful.  
  
~*~  
  
Legolas looked nervously around. His breath came in short gasps. Where were Randir and Dorl? They had been right in front of him only a moment ago - but then he turned. Legolas kicked his shin with his heel in frustration and fell flat on his face. He quickly sat up and listened hard for any sounds in the forest. There was nothing. Nothing had heard him crash ungracefully to the ground.  
  
He scowled as he stood and limped forward. Why had he turned around? Sure, he thought he heard a spider hissing, but it was only a leaf! The stupid leaf rustled in the slightest breeze! 'And I thought it was a SPIDER?' He nearly kicked his shin as punishment, but then remembered he'd already done that.  
  
Scanning his surroundings carefully, Legolas was relieved to find he was alone. Nothing had heard him fall. Then again, that meant he was alone. In the forest. The dark forest. The dark spider-infested forest. He'd only been completely alone out here once in his entire life. Legolas gulped and closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about it. 'But I have to! I'm ALONE!' Legolas had to find his brother and his door-named friend. He took a deep breath, but just as he was about to call for help, something very strong suddenly gripped his shoulder.  
T/N: Thanks again to those that reviewed! Anyone wanna follow their example? 


	3. Cali's a Dwarf! HAHAHA!

T/N: Yay! Another chapter! WHOOPWHOOP!  
  
Vision, my sole reviewer for ch2, thank you a billion for the support! I'm glad you relate to Randir. . . sorta. . . or whatever. LoLz, some advice on chocolate turtles. . . bit, chew, swallow.  
  
Enjoy!  
Chapter 3  
  
Calinuel muttered a curse under her breath in frustration. She'd tried on every gown that she and her friends owned. None of hers were good enough. None of her friends' fit. Rinariel wrapped her arm around her best friend.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm taller than you, Cali."  
  
Golrieth looked down. "I'm sorry I have thinner arms than you, Cali."  
  
Ainaleth nervously hid behind Renolith before speaking. "I'm sorry I have a smaller waist then you, Cali."  
  
"I'm sorry I have smaller hips than you, Cali." Renolith hid behind Ainaleth.  
  
Ivariel sighed. "I'm sorry I have a bigger bust then you, Cali."  
  
The young princess growled menacingly at them. "That's so helpful of you all. Now I feel so much better." Calinuel look at herself in the mirror again. "My bust is small because as you'd like to say Iva, I am still a child. Also, I don't stuff my dress with rags. I'm not as thin Ren and Aina because, well, I'm not a twig! My arms have some actual muscle, Golrieth; I'm not a weakling. I'm shorter than you, Rin, because I'm younger than you and I'm not a descendent of trolls!"  
  
Rinariel scowled and took her arm off her 'friend'. "You're just short because you're a descendent of DWARVES!"  
  
Calinuel snapped her head away from its long gaze at the mirror, but she was alone.  
  
~*~  
  
"No!!!!" the beautiful Lady Galadriel shrieked as the evil two-hundred- forty-three-eyed tall Orc-like being lifted her into his arms. "The evil two-hundred-forty-three-eyed tall Orc-like being is going to devour me! Please rescue me, oh valiant prince!"  
  
"I shall do so, dear gorgeous helpless maiden," answered the handsome and brave Prince Thranduil.  
  
"RRRRRAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!" the evil two- hundred-forty-three-eyed tall Orc-like being shouted threateningly.  
  
"A daring threat, oh horribly ugly one," Thranduil shouted as he raised his sword, "but I shall vanquish you!"  
  
"RRRRRAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!" the evil two- hundred-forty-three-eyed tall Orc-like being growled angrily.  
  
"This shall be the end of thee, Celeborn!" Thranduil declared as he stabbed the evil two-hundred-forty-three-eyed tall Orc-like being in his gut.  
  
"RRRRRAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!" the evil two- hundred-forty-three-eyed tall Orc-like being groaned as it fell sideways. The beautiful Lady Galadriel cried out in horror.  
  
"Oh most cowardly prince, thou hast slain him!" she collapsed and tears poured from her bright eyes. "I only requested that I be saved from his clutches, not that he be slain!"  
  
A great hand from above suddenly landed directly on the evil two-hundred- forty-three-eyed tall Orc-like being, squishing it and allowing its blackberry juice to spray everywhere.  
  
Thranduil tossed the Lady Galadriel and Prince Thranduil blackberries into his mouth and glared at the splattered juice of the large Celeborn blackberry.  
  
The Elvenking had eaten his fill quite a while ago and now he was nothing more than bored. He could perhaps go to his throne and sit there a few hours, listening to the endless droning of his advisors. He groaned. It was so boring there, and it was so boring here. He let out a long sigh and started to act out a new invented scene, wishing that something would actually happen today.  
  
"Hello, I'm an Orc! ARG!!!" a blackberry squeaked as a new Thranduil blackberry shot an arrow at it.  
  
"Hello, I'm another Orc! OUCH!!!"  
  
"I'm a troll!" another blackberry squealed proudly. "I'm going to eat your children now!" The troll and Thranduil blackberries began a battle of epic proportions just as something happened.  
  
The door opened.  
  
Thranduil let out a small "eep" sound and quickly threw the two blackberries into his mouth. Princess Calinuel wailed as she ran through the door and continued doing so when she wrapped her arms around her father's neck. A very confused Thranduil swallowed the berries and hugged her back.  
  
"T-they all h-h-hate me!" she screamed angrily into his ear.  
  
Thranduil's ear rang, but held her closer and shushed her soothingly. When her crying was finally reduced to quiet sobs, he spoke. "Who 'hates' you?"  
  
Calinuel sniffed loudly and pouted. "All of my friends."  
  
"No they don't," Thranduil said quietly.  
  
"Yes they do!" Calinuel yelled back.  
  
"No, they don't."  
  
"Yes, they do!"  
  
"No, they-"  
  
"DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO!" she stomped her foot in frustration. "You don't even know what they did! How can you rightfully determine whether they hate me or not? You're just saying that! You're lying to me! I hate you!" Calinuel punched his chest before crying into his shoulder.  
  
Thranduil sighed. "Do you want to tell me wha-"  
  
"I was trying on all of our gowns and none of theirs fit me at all and then they all went against me and implied that I was ugly and then I explained why I was so ugly! That's all I ever did! Then Rin called me a Dwarf! A DWARF!!!"  
  
Thranduil was shocked. "She wha-"  
  
"DWARF!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"I'm sure you heard her wrong. Rinariel would never say that."  
  
"Would and did! Go scold her!"  
  
"You two were obviously arguing and said some very foolish things to one another in your anger. I think you should talk with her."  
  
Calinuel moaned. "Will you come with me? You're very imposing! I'm sure she'll listen to me then!"  
  
"No."  
  
"What if you're just there for support?"  
  
"I will only come to be sure that you actually do talk with her; and I will be hidden in an out-of-the-way corner."  
  
The princess sighed. "Alright," she kissed her father's cheek and smiled sweetly up at him. "I love you, Father."  
  
Thranduil smiled back and gently wiped away a stray tear from her smooth cheek. "I love you too, Calinu-"  
  
"Hey, LUNCH!"  
T/N: Hm. . . I'm gonna go eat something. . . please review! 


	4. Stupid Pansy Ruins Everything

T/N: Thanks reviewers! I'm shallow enough to not want to post until I get at least one review for the last chapter posted, and I got two! HURRAY!  
  
Alida: Well, blackberries are very yummy you know. When I'm alone I play cute little games with them too. . . I know, isn't Cali great? I have some very nice plans for her near & far future. . . *grins wickedly* I love her character so much! Too bad, neither of those characters are seen in this chapter. Or the next, for that matter. But they will be seen very soon!  
  
Bekky: So. . . lemme guess. . . do you like this fic or something? Now before you blow my head off screaming "YES!" at the top of your lungs, please note I'm being sarcastic. I hope you like this chapter! More whimpering Legolas, Mr. Door Linen, "Reindeer," and an almost-intro to a new character.  
  
Now that I'm satisfied that I've been mildly mysterious, please read and enjoy!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
"Legolas? Legolas?" Someone was shaking his shoulders and slapping his cheeks. "Legolas? Come on, get up!" He heard muffled laughter off to his side. Opening his eyes, he saw his brother leaning over him. Randir looked torn between amusement and frustration. Dorlinen was sitting next to him, his hand covering his mouth.  
  
"Wha- what happened?"  
  
Randir sighed impatiently. "You screamed like a twenty-year-old little girl and fainted."  
  
Legolas frowned. "What?"  
  
"You squealed and fainted!" Dorlinen said happily. Randir started to snicker.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Randir rolled his eyes. "How should I know?" he asked with an exaggerate shrug. "All I did was touch your shoulder . . ." Dorlinen giggled.  
  
Legolas suddenly remembered. He was lost alone in the forest, and something strong grabbed his shoulder. "That was you?"  
  
Randir and Dorlinen giggled.  
  
"I thought you were a spider!"  
  
"A spider?" Randir asked incredulously. "The nearest house is about fifty meters away! The palace gates are just over a hundred meters over there! What would a spider be doing here?"  
  
"I don't know, grabbing me so it could eat me?" Legolas scowled and stood up. "Why'd you do that?"  
  
Randir shrugged again. "Because I could, I guess. Honestly though, you should have known better! It would be killed before it ever got this close! Children play where you fainted!"  
  
"I passed out, I didn't faint."  
  
"No, you fainted," Dorlinen said, shaking his head. "You screamed like a little girl, like Prince Randir said. And then you let out a tiny high- pitched sigh and your eyelashes fluttered. Then, you just collapsed." He snickered.  
  
"Shut up, Dor."  
  
"I'm not a door!"  
  
"Dor!"  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"DOR!"  
  
Randir stood between them. "Don't start."  
  
"We already did," Legolas pointed out.  
  
"Yes," Dorlinen agreed, "it started when he said I was a door."  
  
"You know what I mean," Randir snapped.  
  
Legolas frowned. "What's wrong with you?"  
  
Dorlinen patted Randir's back. "You ruined his plan, my prince. When you screamed, you called attention to us."  
  
"Yes," Randir nodded, "as you can see, people are still looking curiously at us." He smiled and waved to a nearby Elf woman and called out to her. "Prince Legolas is fine. He just ran into a branch, that is all."  
  
"Hey! Now everyone's going to think I'm clumsy!"  
  
"I don't care," Randir glared at him, but his mouth suddenly spread into a wide grin. "But we'll have to come back tonight. Somehow or another, word of your passing out will reach Father. He won't believe you're just clumsy; he'll suspect something."  
  
Legolas bit his tongue nervously. That didn't sound good. "So we're going into the wilds of the forest to steal a little bit of a nocturnal spider's web?"  
  
Randir scrunched his nose in thought before nodding. "That's about it. Of course, there'll probably be at least a few dozen spiders." Legolas gulped. "I think I have a pretty good plan. Legolas, you'll get the thread using a small knife. Don't worry, Dor-"  
  
"I'm not a door!"  
  
Randir completely ignored him. "-and I will be hiding a little bit off with our bows. We'll watch your back."  
  
Legolas sputtered, searching for words to express how insane Randir was. "B- but . . . t-th-that's . . . I'll be KILLED!"  
  
Any Elves nearby looked worriedly at the younger prince.  
  
"Legolas, shut up!" Randir hissed. "I promise, on Tavari's grave, that we will protect you."  
  
"Tavari's not dead!"  
  
"Well . . ." Randir sighed. "On Tavari's heart, then. We swear on Tavari's heart that you will live. Now come on, we might as well go back. We're missing lunch!"  
  
Dorlinen looked up. "It was served about an hour and a half ago." The princes swore quietly.  
  
~*~  
  
Randir paced uneasily in his bedroom. They were going to be caught. He had never been caught. 'Well, at least not until after the trick has been done,' he mentally corrected himself. The eldest prince scowled at Dorlinen, who was asleep in an extra bed that had been brought in earlier that day. It was all his and Legolas' fault. When he and Tavari did pranks together, they never got caught. 'Until afterwards, of course,' he reminded himself.  
  
The prince sighed and looked solemnly back at Dorlinen. The young Elf snored quietly. Randir rubbed his tired eyes. He shouldn't blame him. Dorlinen had been through a lot recently. Randir nodded, agreeing with himself. He'd just blame Legolas.  
  
The reason he was so uneasy gnawed at him again. The king had seemed very suspicious during supper. He had asked his sons and Dorlinen why they hadn't showed for lunch. Thranduil had used a kind, mildly curious voice to cover that he knew what they were up to. Randir held his forehead in one hand. The king hadn't eaten much. He hadn't eaten at all, when Randir thought about it. He'd had a half-filled glass of wine. Then he sat back and muttered something about having his fill for the day. Had his father been listening in any muffled conversations the boys had had? Randir racked his brain to try to remember if Dorli- he wasn't blaming him. Had Legolas said anything stupid? Randir slapped his hands when they threatened to shake. Could the king read minds?  
  
Randir rolled his eyes. He was being stupid. The only reason he was so nervous was because this was the first time in his life he had ever done anything without Tavari. Randir stopped half-pace with one foot in the air. Tavari! He hadn't seen her all day! 'She must be wondering what I've been up to today,' he thought with a grin, but it soon disappeared. 'Or she'll be plotting to kill me!'  
  
He stood on both feet again and nearly kicked himself. Tavari loved romantic stuff and thought that sunset was very romantic. Actually, she preferred sunrise, but she never wanted to wake up that early. Randir quickly pulled on a robe. They had seen every sunset together since they'd become friends thousands of years ago, with the exception of any time he was traveling with a war party or hunting overnight. Now it was midnight. He raced through to palace to her quarters.  
T/N: So, how was it? Look for the next post on Friday, or maybe Saturday. . . very possibly Sunday. . . look for the next post next weekend! 


	5. Mmm Arrow to the Crotch Er, sorta

T/N: Ah, my first flame (for this story). It was bound to happen like it did with my others! ^_^ Thanks for you input, I'll think about considering to consider considering your advise.  
  
Bekky: Well, Lafi cheats. She put in all of her nicknames & words in names (like her middle name & last name only) so she can have a million combinations to get the best name. She's such a cheater! ^_^ Well, JEEZ, I'm sorry. Do you honestly want the whole story to be about Thranduil eating blackberries? LoLz, actually, you might like that. . . sorry, but I know you, you would! ^_~ Luv ya! Thanks!  
Chapter 5  
  
Tavari hummed pleasantly as she finished the shading on the nose of a very handsome picture she had drawn of her dear Prince Randir. She placed it carefully on her pillow and fetched her bow and quiver. Notching and arrow, she aimed.  
  
The door suddenly burst open behind her with no sign or warning and definitely no knock. Her elbow was bumped and her arrow missed its target, but still hit the figure in the sketch directly below the waist and perfectly between the legs.  
  
"I meant to aim for an eye, but I think that suited my purposes far better. Thank you," Tavari turned to smile sweetly at the intruder, who as she expected, was Randir. His mouth was slightly agape and his eyes were bigger than she'd ever seen them. 'He'd look cute if I wasn't so angry at him,' Tavari thought. She mentally shrugged. 'Oh well.'  
  
Randir stood straight and tall and slowly closed his mouth. There was an awkward silence. Tavari smiled sweetly at Randir, and he stared terrified back.  
  
"Good evening, my prince."  
  
Randir opened his mouth to talk, but no sound came out.  
  
"Are you well? It is very late to be wandering the palace in some pants and an untied robe."  
  
"I am well." Randir squeaked.  
  
Tavari rolled her eyes. This was ridiculous. "Randir, it's alright." She shrugged slightly. "You simply forgot." The last word had a slight edge that she honestly or at least thought she didn't mean to add.  
  
"Yes?" Randir asked, confused as to what to say next. Why did she sound so nice?  
  
Tavari glared. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
"I forgot," Randir said a little more confidently, but she was glaring. She was angry. He gulped - he was such an idiot.  
  
"Did you forget on purpose?" Tavari started to feel a little less angry and a bit more hurt.  
  
"No!" Randir quickly defended himself. "Of course not! Nobody forgets on purpose! Unless, of course, they had a horrible ordeal and don't wish to remember it. Or, if someone told them something they don't want to know."  
  
"Am I such torture?"  
  
"Of course not!" Randir mentally punched himself. 'Shut up, you idiot!' Unfortunately, he didn't follow his advice. "I was just listing examples. Of when people forget on purpose. But I swear I didn't forget you on purpose! I was very busy."  
  
"With what?"  
  
"Uh. . ."  
  
Now Tavari felt a sharp pain in her chest. Randir had always told her everything ever since she could remember. What had happened that made him distrust her so?  
  
Randir could see her worry sketched on her fair face. "I was with Legolas all day. Well, and a new Elf named Dorlinen," he said quickly.  
  
Tavari rolled her eyes. "You're lying. You've never spent a whole day with your little brother before. He's always reading or wandering around with his friends. And Dorlinen. . . there is no Elf named Dorlinen in Eryn Lasgalen."  
  
"I'm not lying!" Randir almost shouted. "Legolas came up with a plan for Cal's birthday. And there is a Dorl in Eryn Lasgalen; Dorlinen, son of Lunin, of the Southern village Carilamn."  
  
Tavari gasped. "Carilamn?" She shook her head. "But, I thought-"  
  
"There were few survivors. Dorl, for his health, is very lucky."  
  
Tavari nodded slowly and embraced the prince before looking up at him guiltily. "I'm sorry I shot your crotch."  
  
Randir smiled and shrugged. "It was just a drawing. And a rather nice one, at that." He frowned. "Though I think you need to work on the head, it's rather lopsided-"  
  
Tavari laughed and pushed him. "Yes, of course! I wanted it to look as realistic as possible!" She giggled and ducked from a playful nudge he aimed at her. She rolled over her bed and hid on the other side.  
  
Randir grinned. "You're not going to insult me and get away with it that easily!" He tore the arrow and paper from her pillow and threw it at her. When it fell, he laughed to see her mouth full of feathers. She glared mockingly and threw another pillow at him. He easily dodged it, but couldn't dodge the flying Elf-maiden that suddenly landed in his arms. He fell backwards and laughed even harder. The prince tried to get back up, but Tavari giggled and somehow managed to keep him from his feet.  
  
~*~  
  
Legolas yawned and stretched. He sat up and looked around before angrily tossing himself back down again. Why did he just wake up? Was he trying to encourage Randir to get him killed? 'Lay down and sleep!'  
  
Legolas did so, but couldn't sleep. He sighed and glanced out the window. The night was reaching its end. He groaned and pulled his blankets over his face. Randir would be in any minute now. Sighing and mumbling, he got up and decided that he might as well get ready.  
  
~*~  
  
Legolas was sitting on his bed and staring at his wall. He looked out the window and swore under his breath. Sunrise would be in a little less than an hour. What was Randir waiting for? Legolas went into the hall and silently strode to Randir's room. He wanted to get this over with. He opened the door.  
  
"Dorl? Where's Randir?"  
  
Dorlinen was curled comfortably in his many blankets and Randir was nowhere in sight. Legolas searched his rooms - they were empty. He shook Dorlinen.  
  
"I s'ip brea-fas' to'ay, Moffer." Dorlinen slurred into his pillow. "Wa'e meh when eveyon's gegging' rea'y to leave for ffeh hunt. . ."  
  
Legolas continued to shake him. Dorlinen frowned and grumbled something. He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. Yawning, he looked around.  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"Um. . . Randir's room?"  
  
Dorlinen frowned at him for a moment. "Oh! Prince Randir! Right." He squinted at Legolas. "Oh, goo' mornin' Prince Legolas." He yawned again. "Please take no offense, but what do you want?"  
  
"Don't you remember what we were going to do tonight?"  
  
Dorlinen frowned at Legolas, obviously very confused. His eyes suddenly widened and he got quickly out of his bed. "I'm sorry my prince, but I don't do that. . . with. . . only with women, I'm sorry. . ."  
  
Legolas' eyes widened too when he realized what Dorlinen was thinking. "No, no, I didn't mean that! I meant, you and I, and Randir, were going to get spider threads tonight."  
  
Dorlinen, once again, frowned. "Oh! For Princess Calinuel's hairbrush?"  
  
"Yes!" Legolas nodded.  
  
"Right," Dorlinen sighed and pulled on a shirt. He fetched his and Randir's bows and quivers and looked around, yet again frowning in confusion. "Where's Prince Randir?"  
  
"I don't know," Legolas looked around as if the walls would tell him. They did. There was a necklace of flowers hanging on the wall. Tavari must have made it; Randir wouldn't know how to do that. "Tavari."  
  
"Who?" Dorlinen asked.  
  
"You haven't heard of Tavari?" Legolas asked, completely shocked. "She's been his best friend since they were tiny Elflings and they plan to marry as soon as possible."  
  
"Why would he be with her now?"  
  
"Just come on." Legolas led him into the hall.  
T/N: Will they be able to get Randir in time! What the hell did I mean by that? Tune in next weekend! (& please try to review, no matter how painful you claim it is to do) 


	6. Does Middle Earth have toilets? Oo

T/N: WOW! Three reviews! That's the most reviews for a single chapter I've had (for this story). Thanks a bil, guys!  
  
Mellon: Ah, mellon nin, thanks for that nice little review. I hope this chapter leads up to your expectations. Think like a pervert. . .  
  
Bekky: Hej & tak! That's a nice long little review! ^_^ I agree completely on flamers. If reading my fic is a waste of time, isn't REVIEWING it a bigger waste? LMAO I should serious make a story like tha, just to see if you'd keep your word or if you'd enjoy it. . . Actually, she corrected me. "Tavari" was from a role-playing group Lafi joined online, not thebarrowdowns.com. Even all the combos didn't make a name good enough for her! -_- All records of the door's past are strictly confidential until further notice. LMAO I hope you underatnd that he really wouldn't enjoy Legolas the same way you would, LoLz. . .  
  
Aimie: ^_^ Very nice! It's nice to be told my thinking (or occasional lack thereof) is great! ^_^ I did look at your story. I hope you like this chapter too!  
Chapter 6  
  
Ivariel lay in her bed and stared at the ceiling. The noises she heard from her sister Tavari's room were disgusting and had been going on for at least a few hours. She could hear giggling and moans and an occasional scream, followed by much more giggling and moaning.  
  
"Oh! Can you do that?"  
  
"I guess so!"  
  
"Do it again!" There was a loud moan and then a huge fit of giggles.  
  
Ivariel grimaced and covered her ears with her pillows.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hm. . ." Legolas didn't know his way to Tavari's room very well. "I think it's this one." He opened a door.  
  
"What's that? Dorlinen asked curiously.  
  
"A toilet." Legolas stated nonchalantly, assuming Dorlinen was simply tired still.  
  
Dorlinen gasped. "You have toilets here?"  
  
Legolas turned very slowly and gave Dorlinen an odd look. "Dorl, I know you've been living in a different city all your life, but, where have you been. . . you know. . . since you got here?"  
  
Dorlinen blushed and Legolas couldn't get him to answer, so he tried some more doors.  
  
"No, that's a children's playroom, Prince Legolas."  
  
"No, that's a library, Prince Legolas."  
  
"No, that's the throne room, Prince Legolas."  
  
"No, that's your bedroom, Prince Legolas."  
  
Legolas was getting very frustrated. He'd opened nearly every door in the palace! "This is the last one I'm going to try! If it doesn't lead to Tavari's rooms, we're giving up!" He opened the door. A girl screamed.  
  
"Close the door!" Dorlinen squeaked.  
  
Legolas quickly closed the door. They stared at each other, breathing heavily, for a moment - then burst out laughing.  
  
"We're so stupid!"  
  
"I know! What were you thinking, opening that door?"  
  
"I don't know! Did you get a chance to see her?"  
  
"Yes - you didn't, my prince? I feel great pity for you - she was beautiful. . ." he fell into a fit of giggles.  
  
Someone cleared his or her throat. Legolas and Dorlinen slowly turned to look in the doorway. Legolas shrieked.  
  
"Cal???"  
  
"Princess Calinuel? I'm so sorry! I didn't see you naked!"  
  
Princess Calinuel stood wearing a very quickly tossed on robe and glared menacingly at them.  
  
"Prince Legolas Thranduilion," she growled, "what in the name of Aman and Angband are you doing?"  
  
"Showing Dorl around," Legolas answered simple and none too carefully.  
  
"Was your sister a necessary part of the tour?"  
  
"No," Legolas admitted.  
  
Calinuel exploded. "THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!"  
  
Legolas and Dorlinen closed their eyes tightly. When they finally opened them, Legolas timidly replied.  
  
"We didn't mean to," he said weakly.  
  
Calinuel grabbed both by the hand and started leading them somewhere. Legolas followed with a look of terror on his usually flawless face, but Dorlinen nearly floated away from the floor.  
  
~*~  
  
Prince Randir and the lovely Lady Tavari laid intertwined together on the floor.  
  
"That was nice," Randir said as a stupid grin spread across his face.  
  
"Only nice?" Tavari asked jokingly before kissing his ear.  
  
Randir was about to make a remark when they heard someone yelling from a good distance off.  
  
"What was that?" Tavari asked.  
  
"How should I know?" Randir replied incredulously. "It sounded kind of like my sister, though- ACK!" Randir suddenly jumped up. "Where are my pants?"  
  
"I. . . don't know." Tavari looked around. "Why?"  
  
"I need to get Dorl and Legolas, now!"  
  
"Why?" Tavari handed him his robe. "I still can't find your pants."  
  
Randir found them under the bed and quickly started pulling them up. He fell sideways while hopping on one foot, but continued pulling them on anyway. "Remember that plan I said we had?" He stood and wrapped his robe around him. "We were supposed to get spider threads tonight!"  
  
Tavari stared blankly up at him, but tied on a robe of her own and followed him out of her room. "Well, you're stupid," she said simply. "It's almost sunrise." Her eyes brightened. "Do you want to see it together?"  
  
"Sure," Randir mumbled. More yelling started. Randir frowned and broke into a run, Tavari at his heels. "That sounds like my father!"  
  
~*~  
  
Legolas only realized where Calinuel was taking them when they were finally there. With incredible strength for her size, she threw both of the Elves forward and both fell to the floor. Rubbing their wrists, they stood again. Calinuel looked around. The Elvenking's bed was empty.  
  
"Where is he?" she asked impatiently, as if Legolas or Dorlinen would know.  
  
"Good morning, Calinuel," said a voice behind them. "Good morning Legolas and Dorlinen," Legolas and Dorlinen turned and bowed, Calinuel curtsied. King Thranduil smiled and continued lacing up his shirt.  
  
"You're awake?"  
  
"Yes, Calinuel, I am. I heard you yelling and guessed you would be visiting me shortly." He crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows expectantly.  
  
"These two entered my room without permission."  
  
Thranduil nodded. "Alright." There was a long pause.  
  
Calniuel crossed her arms angrily. "What are you going to do about it?"  
  
"What do you wish me to do?"  
  
"I don't know! Punish them somehow! They deliberately walked into my bedroom while I was naked!"  
  
"No we didn't!" Legolas yelled angrily. "We told you we didn't mean to!"  
  
Thranduil frowned. "Why weren't you dressed?"  
  
Calinuel opened her mouth, but quickly snapped it shut again. Her eyes widened. Thranduil's frowned increased and he quickly left the room. Calinuel screamed and ran after him.  
  
Legolas grinned. "Come on, Dorl. We don't want to miss this!"  
  
Angry shouts could already be heard from the princess's room. 


	7. Caught Right After the Act

T/N: I am SO sorry I didn't update sooner, you have no idea! See, this chapter took me ages to write, then I was really busy with tests, then my mom banned me from the net for. . . um. . . *private* reasons that you must email me about if you want to know why. Then I went to visit my dad in Florida for a month. I just recently got back, so, here I am!  
  
Mellon: Thanks, mellon nin! Yeah, well, she HAD to get caught. ^_~ That little spoiled brat had to get yelled at during SOME point in her life. I hope this chapter meets expectations, please let me know! Gawd, this chapter took me 2 weeks to write, you know. My mind kept going blank. Stupid school tests. . .  
  
DaveRocks: Why thank you! That's EXACTLY what I'm trying to do! I'm so glad you said that, you have no idea. ^_^ Hope this is intelligent, LOL, I really didn't know what I was doing in this one. . . all I knew was "Poor Cal!" but I wasn't sure how to express that. *giggles* Now I'm sounding mildly poetic. This is a good day for me.  
  
Bekky: Hej, sup? Sorry, but I don't expect there to be many blackberries in the future either. That sorta thing could get old very fast. But, not to you of course. ^_~ j/k! She takes them to her daddy because she's a spoiled brat & she relies on him to fix all of her problems. I hoped I'd shown that when she told him about the whole Dwarf thing. Ah well. . . yeah, that's what I'd do to my bro to! ^_^ Think like a pervert, Bek, think like a pervert. . . I'm glad you can wait for a bit! Cuz that's sure what I made you do! As for the mail, please try my new one!  
  
Nikki: Your inner animal is so adorable. What an awesome review. O_o LOL, j/k, I know. . . ff.net deletes reviews like that sometimes. I wonder how many people are wondering about your inner animal, Nik. . . if anyone's as nosey as Elfie & happens to read this, it's an inside joke about horoscopes. Well, I updated! So now you can't kill me! ^_^ Yay!  
  
Mojo: That's my friend's car's name, btw. . . Mojo. Awesome. Not that I haven't seen you review me or me review you before, but still, I just remembered that. Hooray! You loved it? That's wonderful! So did I! Kinda pathetic, but I read my chapter before I post & I laugh quite a bit - but I won't post till it makes me laugh, so. . .  
  
Cool, 5 reviewers! Thanks a bil everyone!  
  
Chapter 7  
  
King Thranduil stormed into his only daughter's bedroom and glared at the dark shadows. He ripped the blankets off the bed and threw the pillows out of his way. Grunting angrily, he looked under the bed. Calinuel ran into the room.  
  
"There's no one in here!" she shrieked instantly.  
  
Thranduil's head snapped up. "WHY WEREN'T YOU DRESSED?!"  
  
The princess gasped and took a step back as Thranduil started a very loud lecture. Her father had never yelled at her like this before. She opened her mouth but could only make small stressed sounds from the back of her throat. Legolas and Dorlinen appeared in the doorway, Legolas grinning broadly.  
  
"Isn't this beautiful?" Legolas asked in a dreamy tone.  
  
Dorlinen's head turned very slowly to look at the prince. "How can you say that?"  
  
Legolas smiled at Dorlinen. "She deserves this, trust me," he looked back at his shaking sister. "She's always deserved this, but she's never gotten it."  
  
Dorlinen looked slightly worried but said nothing. They tuned back into the conversation blasting in front of them.  
  
"Did you think even once about your REPUTATION?! That seems to be all you ever care about anyway! If you get pregnant this young, the whole of Middle Earth would think you a-" Thranduil stopped so abruptly that his mouth was still open a little. He stared at the crack under a door that led to another of Calinuel's rooms. Something had moved.  
  
The Elvenking moved quicker than sight could follow to open the door and grab the terrified Elf's neck. In his blind rage, Thranduil didn't recognize him until Legolas gasped.  
  
"Danen?" Legolas shrieked. "That's. . . ugh, Danen! That's disgusting!"  
  
Danen shook visibly as the king's eyes seemed to actually burst into flame. He opened his mouth but Legolas interrupted him.  
  
"I can't believe this. . . of all the people to be in here, I would never expect you!"  
  
Thranduil opened his mouth again, but Legolas again interrupted him.  
  
"Of course, I obviously wouldn't expect father or Randir or myself in here, but of everyone that might be in here, you? Danen?"  
  
Thranduil took a deep breath so he could effectively blow Danen's head off, but Legolas wasn't done.  
  
"But I suppose this isn't as surprising as I'm making it out to be; your head always was a li-" the prince stopped immediately when he saw the look his father was giving him.  
  
"Thank you," Thranduil said in voice so strained he sounded in pain. He turned back to Danen. "Now you. . ." the king's eyes were slits.  
  
Randir and Tavari ran into the room, knocking Legolas and Dorlinen ungracefully onto the rug.  
  
"What'd I miss?" Randir asked eagerly.  
  
Legolas grinned. "Everyth- Hey!" he exclaimed as he was pushed out of the room. He was soon followed by Randir and Dorlinen. Thranduil didn't push Tavari, but politely indicated the door, and she politely left. The king slammed the door behind them.  
  
"That wasn't very nice," Randir said indignantly.  
  
T/N: That was short, especially considering it took me so damn long. Sorry! & I'm sorry I added another character. I hope none of those gets confusing, but in a few chapters it might. If you have any questions just ask.  
  
Please review! I love your input & praise! Flames are accepted if not expected in some low self-esteem situations.  
  
~*Tafi*~ 


	8. As the Sun Rises

T/N: Aren't you happy? I didn't make you wait two months this time!  
  
Mellon: Thanks for the review, mellon nin! I'm glad you liked it! I hope you like this one, too! There's a sunrise in it! ^_~ I bet you could tell from the chapter title.  
  
Nikki: See? I didn't wait another two months. Happy now? ~*~ Of COURSE she was with a guy, this is ME we're talking about! Yes Danen – I picked the name out of Celtic myths cuz I thought it was a cool word that represented Elves well. Not sure if I spelled it right, though. -_- It is NOT a yogurt name! Lafi told me about how it reminded me of yogurt awhile ago. ~*~ We'll find out what Thranduil does eventually. He won't kill her, he'll punish her. I'm glad she's growing on you, sorta. That's what she's supposed to do so thank gawd ~*~ LoL- yeah, child-like. Ok. But he hasn't been exposed to much R-rated action yet. I'm not talking about sex, Nikki, & I don't expect him to get any in this story. You can make up your own fantasies without me.  
  
Gabby-the-elf: Did I keep you waiting too long? Or is this soon enough? Thanks for being so. . . obsessive with my story! I hope this meets expectations.  
  
I'm sorry, but you won't see any more of Thranduil yelling. Well, in this chapter at least. I figured you'd get the feeling of the story & of the main characters if you were as annoyed as them at not being able to witness the deafening of Calinuel & Danen.  
  
Chapter 8  
  
"Do you expect him to be nice?" Tavari asked as a huge blast of noise came from the door. "You and Legolas interrupted him."  
  
"Prince Legolas did many times," Dorlinen stated with a shrug.  
  
"I only interrupted him once," Randir scowled and glared at Legolas. "You ruin everything!"  
  
"Wha-" Legolas tried to ask.  
  
"First you slow use down," Randir began, "then you scream and faint in front of everyone, then you tell father about the prank, then you get us kicked out of Cal's room-"  
  
"Well, I'll admit I did most of that," Legolas nodded, "but I didn't tell father anything!"  
  
"Traitor and liar!"  
  
"I didn't!"  
  
"Well, you didn't mean to," Randir crossed his arms, "but you let something slip at dinner."  
  
"I DID NOT!"  
  
"It's true, Prince Randir," Dorlinen said quietly. "All he talked about at dinner was genealogy."  
  
"He's right!" Legolas shouted. "I was talking about how weird it is that father, Cal, and I have golden hair and yours is dark brown!"  
  
Randir stared stupidly at his brother for a minute, then laughed. "That's right! I remember, I just made it all up in my head earlier. Oh Legolas- hair?"  
  
Legolas blushed slightly. "I was nervous," he mumbled.  
  
"Well, now that that's settled," Randir said in a business tone, "we should go get those threads." He grinned as Legolas' eyes suddenly doubled in size.  
  
"It's nearly sunrise," Tavari grumbled, "or maybe the sun has already risen while you were arguing about imagined stupidity and hair."  
  
~*~  
  
The sun hadn't risen by the time Randir and Tavari had climbed their favorite tree and looked to the horizon.  
  
"Randir, the sun rises from the East," Tavari said, pointing. "That way."  
  
"Oh, right."  
  
They watched as the golden fruit of the tree Laurelin, the younger of the Two Trees of Valinor, was guided into the glowing sky by the mighty fire- maiden Arien. The clouds furthest east seemed to burst into a great yellow and orange flame as the sun glided farther from the shimmering horizon. Meadow grass waved, trees glistened and gleamed, and all that is pure and good rose and sang a glorious and happy song to greet the new day.  
  
"That was boring," Tavari yawned. "It wasn't nearly as colorful as sunset. I don't know why I always wanted to see dawn break."  
  
Randir's mouth was open and he was drooling slightly, but when Tavari called to him, he followed her down the tree and back into the palace.  
  
~*~  
  
Princess Calinuel was laying stomach-down on her bed, her face buried in one of her pillows, and sobbing quietly. She had done it now. Her father had yelled at her much louder than she had ever heard him yell at Randir – she should know, she watched happily in the corner every time. At least, every time since she was born. Maybe he had been in this much trouble.  
  
Calinuel whimpered and mutely cursed herself. That was no consolation – she didn't want to be like Randir! He was reckless, stupid, and rarely got anything he wanted from Father. Knowing the wonderful life she knew was over, she sobbed louder. Suddenly Calinuel felt a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERTED ORC!" she screamed. Realizing he might be the king, quickly she spun around. Seeing it was Danen, she glared. He gulped.  
  
"Well," he said in a small voice, "I'll just be going then. . . May I go?"  
  
"I clearly implied I never wanted to see you again, didn't I?"  
  
"Um. . ." Danen racked his brain. "No?" Her glare somehow darkened. "Yes?"  
  
"Then GET OUT!" she shrieked, pointing to the door and still holding her pillow tightly in her other arm.  
  
Danen stood, bowed slightly, and walked stiffly out of the room. The young princess glared at the door long after he left before letting out a shuddering wail as she started to cry quietly again. She had no friends, no family, and the Elf she lost her sweet innocence to was leaving to join the border guard. Worse of all – she could have no social life at all until the banquet that celebrated her coming of age and the return of autumn. Calinuel wouldn't even be able to participate in the day's activities, or the whole week's celebrations, for that matter. She would only be able to show up for the feasts in the evenings – the rest of her meals would be served directly to her in her quarters.  
  
Her worst nightmares had come true. Princess Calinuel would spend a week and two days with nobody doting over her, nobody flirting with her, nobody talking with her, nobody paying her even the slightest attention or caring at all about what she was doing. She would spend a week and two days utterly and completely alone.  
  
She was already going mad.  
  
T/N: That's it for today! Please review! 


	9. Randir is Annoying Legolas is Bitchy

T/N: Ah, my self-esteem is out the roof. I just found out I passed my school tests, I got a new reviewer, no flames in awhile, & writing this chapter was easier than staring at the computer screen! Not that you shouldn't boost my ego more & leave a review after you read this. ^_~  
  
Lolly: Thanks for the praise! Will Ivariel get Legolas, I've been asked that. & my answer is I dunno. That's an honest answer, too - I seriously have no idea! The outcome will be as surprising to me as you. LoL, childish, I've gotten that remark too. Yeah, I guess he is, which means I oughtta work on his character development soon cuz that's only half of what I wanted to portray! Did I update like a something that updates fast? LOL. . .  
  
Mojo the Rock Chick Munchkin: I'm glad you liked it; thanks for the review! See? There's more soon! ^_^  
  
Nikki: Ok, 1) Randir only slept with Tavari once & 2) Thranduil doesn't know. But also, Cal is his only daughter, youngest child, she's not an adult yet, & Randir & Tavari are gonna get married any minute now anyways. ~*~ LoL, he's not named after YOGURT! & she's getting spider threads on her ass (eep! Spoiler! That's decided in THIS chap, isn't it?) & even though you're enjoying her torture, she will have reasons to enjoy her birthday. Just you wait. ~*~ Ok, I told you already, I'm gonna read your friggin' stories! Just give me some time, ok? I'm very busy, sorry! Yeah, I'm gonna call you right now chica. Hope you're home tonight!  
  
Alida: Sup Smuff? Nice to see you're still alive out there somewhere ^_~ It's ok, I need to go to your profile & see what you've been up to lately! ~*~ Yeah, it doesn't matter what Legolas is thinking, I'm glad you tgought it was hilarious! ^_^ Everyone says they like Randir. I think he's everyone's favorite. ~*~ Thanks for telling me EXACTLY what you liked about this, it's very helpful. BTW, I agree completely about both things you said about Thranduil. I'm glad I'll see more of your reviews! Thanks for these three! & of course, thanks for putting my vstory on your faves list. It's an honor!  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Legolas looked down and bit his lip. He wasn't going to cry. Taking a deep breath and looking into his life-long friend's eyes, he wept.  
  
Danen rolled his eyes. "Legolas, I'll be back in a month - shorter if anything happens!" He sighed and hugged the prince. Legolas embraced him back and sobbed into his shoulder.  
  
~*~  
  
It had been hours now. Calinuel had been alone in her room for hours. Her eye twitched multiple times as she ate the apple, finishing the midday meal that had been delivered to her a little while ago.  
  
~*~  
  
"Legolas!" Randir called. "I've been looking for you all day! Why didn't you go to lunch?"  
  
"Wasn't hungry," Legolas muttered.  
  
"What?" Randir jumped and sat on the branch below his younger brother. "Never mind. Put down that book, will you?"  
  
Legolas glanced at Randir for a moment; then returned to his book.  
  
"He's been reading all day," said a sleepy voice.  
  
Randir jumped. He hadn't seen anyone else. The hidden Elf yawned and his head appeared through some leaves above - he was Dorlinen.  
  
"All day, he's been reading - or at least I assume. I fell asleep awhile ago."  
  
"Why would you want to do that?"  
  
"I was tired, Prince Randir." Dorlinen rolled his eyes. "You didn't sleep once last night - are you telling me you haven't even napped?"  
  
"Excellent idea, Dor!" Randir grinned. "Perfect idea! Legolas, I was looking for you about tonight. The three of us need to get those threads, and a nap would be very wise if we want to be alert."  
  
"I'll be on my toes anyway," Legolas said with a scowl. "Why at night? You said they were nocturnal, wouldn't it be much safer now?"  
  
"I don't want to be caught and I'm sure Father suspects something," Randir said grimly. "Now don't think wrong Legolas," He said hastily as Legolas sighed impatiently. "I don't blame you anymore, but since he reads minds I'm sure he knows something about this."  
  
"Reads minds?" Legolas finally put his book aside to stare at the Crown Prince.  
  
Randir scrunched his nose in thought. "Oh!" He grinned. "I made that up in my head too."  
  
"Dorl's right, get some sleep."  
  
Dorlinen blinked stupidly. "Did you call me a door, Prince Randir?"  
  
"What? Well, a minute ago, yes," Randir turned his head back to Legolas, who was reading his book again. "That's exactly why I said Dor's idea was so perfect, little brother! You should get to sleep right now if you don't want to be in much danger tonight."  
  
"I'll be in danger tonight whether I nap or not," Legolas grumbled. "Besides, I'm plenty relaxed reading."  
  
"I'm not a door!" Dorlinen finally remembered to say, but was ignored.  
  
"Only you would find a book relaxing."  
  
"Plenty of people find books relaxing!"  
  
"What's that book about, anyway?"  
  
"It's just some basic lore that you wouldn't understand."  
  
"I bet I would!" Randir snatched the book. "What's this all about?"  
  
"I told you that you wouldn't understand it! Give it back!" Legolas grabbed the book and pulled.  
  
"Ah! It's Dwarvish lore!" Randir said proudly. "Wait, why are you reading Dwarvish lore? Read some Silvan stuff, at least some Sind-"  
  
"I've already read and reread every book about every Elvish culture, that we have here anyway." Legolas yelled. "Now give it back!"  
  
"Why Dwarves?" Randir asked, looking through the book and easily holding it while Legolas pulled with all his might. "Why not Men?"  
  
"I've already read every book on Men, too!" Legolas grunted, and with a final heave, retrieved the book. He fell backwards with a yelp.  
  
Randir grabbed Legolas' hand and helped him back up. "You read too much, you know," He shook his head as if disappointed.  
  
"Why should we get the threads?" Dorlinen appeared very confused, but there was concern on his brow.  
  
"Thank you, Dorl," Legolas raised his eyes at Randir. "At least someone cares for my welfare."  
  
"No," Dorlinen shook his head, earning a glare from Legolas. "Princess Calinuel is already suffering enough right now. Why ruin her hair?"  
  
"He's right," Legolas agreed very easily. "That would be so cruel of us to increase her suffering. Shouldn't a few memories of her coming of age be glad?"  
  
Randir had a guilty but annoyed look on his face. "But, but I want to do something." He whined. "It's how I show that I care."  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes as his brother pouted like small child. Dorlinen seemed to believe him.  
  
"Alright, that's fair." He yawned. "Then we should return to my plan, and ruin the seat of her dress instead. It won't be as disastrous to her as ruining her hair."  
  
Randir grinned. "Dor, for being so exhausted, you're coming up with excellent ideas. You two better get some rest; we leave just a little after sunset."  
  
Prince Randir pounced onto the grass and ran towards his and Tavari's favorite tree, doubtless where he planned to relax until supper. Legolas scowled and searched his book for where he had been reading. After a few minutes, Dorlinen glared at where Randir had previously been.  
  
"I'm not a door!"  
  
~*~  
  
Calinuel smiled maniacally as the sky outside began to darken and she heard the click of the door behind her. An Elf woman entered the room and spoke in a kind voice.  
  
"Here's your supper, my lady."  
  
The princess ignored her.  
  
"My lady?" The servant's smile faltered slightly. "Princess Calinuel?"  
  
Calinuel very slowly turned to show her absurd grin to the Elf woman, who's sweet smile vanished immediately.  
  
"Princess Calinuel, are you alright?" She asked in an uneasy tone. "And - and what are you wearing?"  
  
Calinuel's grin looked wicked almost, and she cackled. The servant had no chance to scream.  
  
~*~  
  
A strange sound drifted to his ears from below and a little bit West. It sounded like a voice - but not the voice of a spider or an Orc, or of any other creature that might speak so carelessly on the dark forest floor. He hopped and climbed swiftly and silently through the trees in the direction of the strange voice. Discovering a mysterious party of a dozen or so marching on the path of the Elves, he whistled so his two companions would come to him.  
  
His eyes wide with confusion as to what this might mean, he whispered to the Elf that arrived first. "Ai! Rigosil! Have a look at this!"  
  
"Look at what, Danen? I can hear it, but I cannot see it." Rigosil replied as the third in their group arrived, glancing around curiously.  
  
"Down there!" Danen said, pointing. "They were behind that cluster of trees for a moment."  
  
Rigosil's eyes widened as well and the third Elf barked out the word as if simply uttering it made his mouth taste fowl.  
  
"Dwarves."  
  
T/N: Oooo! The suspense! What could these new plot twists mean?  
  
Don't forget to review!  
  
~*Tafi*~ 


	10. Spider Threads Attempt 2

T/N: Heh heh, sorry about not updating like clothes. Um, the clothes reference was Lolly's idea, btw. See, I've had a ton on my mind lately & I. . . er. . . forgot about this story. *lowers head in shame* But yesterday my mom bought a billion blackberries & you can probably see where this is going. . . well, I ate ALL of them even though I felt very sick afterwards. That was WAY too many blackberries for one girl's stomach! Oh, & I tried smashing one between my hand & the table like Thranduil did. BAD idea. HUGE mess. Anyways, the blackberries reminded me of this story, so here I am writing & posting again!  
  
Thanks for the many reviews! That's a lot! I'll respond quickly & not so thoroughly, but your reviews are making me feel so happy about this story & boosting my ego tremendously! LoL Thanks so much! ^_~  
  
Yes everyone, Cali has kinda lost it. She's a social butterfly caught in a net, poor girl. No, she didn't kill the servant! Jeez! You people are more insane than she is! And no Nikki, "the yogurt guy" won't die because there's Dwarves in the forest.  
  
Undweariel! That's good! I'll think about that one, LoL! But I'm creative enough with names, I've got someone named lint (Lintir) & imbecile (Imbeisil) coming up.  
  
I'm told that the Silmarillion references are nice. Well, they fit. ^_~ I can only think of one that I've put in though, Bek! LoL! Maybe I forgot about any others. . .  
  
Kawaii, you may just be the most confusing person that's ever reviewed me. LoL but that's ok! Not as funny? I hope I can fix that! Er, yeah, according to the prophecy. . . O_o  
  
Legolas the soft & bitchy bookworm! LoL! I hope nobody hate the way I'm portraying him, but hell grow up & change with the battle.  
  
I scooped shit at a horse parade in SLC this summer. *grumbles angrily* It really sucked. But, a telemarketer? That's HORRIBLE! Hey, have you called anyone in Utah? If you ever call my house I won't hang up on you immediately, I promise! & I won't pull a prank on you either. Heh heh, or say "Ok, hang on" & leave the phone sitting there il you hang up. LoL  
  
Oi, I only hope the party lives up to everyone's expectations. But I'm getting ahead of myself. . . the party happen for a while! Let's go get some spider threads. . .  
  
Chapter 10  
  
"Wake up, Randir!" Legolas shook his grumbling brother forcefully. "I don't care what you say about Father reading minds. I don't want to wait until the sun sets."  
  
"Alright, alright," Randir sat up and stretched. Yawning, he took the quiver Legolas was holding out for him and slung it onto his back. He took the bow and hopped soundlessly onto the ground, where Dorlinen was waiting for the princes.  
  
"All ready?" he asked brightly.  
  
"Shut up," Legolas muttered as he pushed past him and jogged into the forest. He wanted to go to the web, snatch a bit, and get out of there.  
  
"Looks like about two hours till sunset, little brother," Randir said as he caught up to him. "We'd better hurry if you want to beat the night so badly."  
  
Legolas broke out into a full sprint.  
  
"Good!" Randir shouted from his heels. "At this pace we should reach it in a little over an hour."  
  
"We should take horses!" Dorlinen yelled. He sounded nervous.  
  
"No, someone would notice if three horses were missing." Randir replied calmly.  
  
"Some would notice if Prince Legolas went missing!" Dorlinen argued, as if he had read Legolas' mind.  
  
"He's right, Randir!" Legolas growled.  
  
"There's no need to worry about that," Legolas could almost ear Randir rolling his eyes. "Dor and I will have your back! We're good archers, we know what to do."  
  
"I'm not a door!"  
  
"Would you stop that, Dorl?" Legolas snapped. "We know you're not a door!"  
  
"I'll stop when Prince Randir stops calling me a door!"  
  
"He called you 'Dor' not 'a door'!"  
  
"Stop arguing!" Randir interrupted. "Legolas, there's no need to be grumpy! This'll go much smoother if we stay calm and focused."  
  
Legolas' teeth were clenched. "I can't help being just a little worried about my life, Randir."  
  
"This is nothing compared to some of the skirmishes and battles I've been in, Legolas. You'll be fine."  
  
"You'd be surprised how much an underestimated threat can destroy." Dorlinen muttered.  
  
"What?" both the princes asked in unison.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
~*~  
  
The threesome had slowed to a careful walk. They were very near.  
  
"It's so dark," Legolas whispered. "Do you think the sun has set early?"  
  
"No, it's the way the forest is," Randir answered from somewhere ahead. "It's always dark out here. Besides, sunset is in a little less than an hour anyway."  
  
"But there's no sunlight coming through the trees at all!"  
  
"This is how bright the forest was at noon in my village." Dorlinen said, also ahead of Legolas. "It somehow gets even darker than this at night."  
  
"You have senses besides sight, Legolas," Randir reminded him, "and you should learn to use them."  
  
"I know how to use them!" Legolas muttered. He felt like a sheltered child; he obviously didn't know anything about the forest. The youngest prince had read many books telling about the forest, but never been on the outskirts of his father's realm before.  
  
Randir hushed them suddenly and stopped. Legolas walked into him with a quiet grunt.  
  
"There it is," Randir said so quietly that Legolas could barely hear him, even though he was shoulder to shoulder with him. "I'll go. You two hide behind some bushes or something."  
  
Legolas frowned. "But I thought-"  
  
"Don't worry about it, little brother." Randir smiled. "Just don't let them catch me, alright?"  
  
Legolas nodded and tried to find a place to hide. He couldn't see a thing and didn't really know how to use his senses to know where he was going, and he almost tripped over Dorlinen.  
  
"Careful, my prince! Here, crouch down next to me."  
  
The young prince did so and they peered towards the spider nest. Legolas squinted and thought he saw a silhouette moving swiftly and very low to the ground towards the nest.  
  
"Do you see him?" Dorlinen asked nervously. "I lost him, I can't find him!"  
  
"Yes, he's right-" Legolas' eyes widened and he had to cover his mouth to keep himself from shouting. The low silhouette he saw was coming closer to them, not the nest.  
  
"Yes, I see THAT," Dorlinen murmured. "Where's your brother?"  
  
Legolas shook his head and Dorlinen swore very quietly.  
  
"That's spider's noticed us, I think." Swifter than sight he notched his bow, and Legolas copied him. "Yes, it has. I'll get it." Dorlinen let his arrow fly. It struck the creature in one of its bulbous eyes and imbedded itself in its skull, but not before the spider gave a loud shriek or hiss. Legolas couldn't be sure what exactly that sound was.  
  
Suddenly, the forest itself seemed to shudder and move. Legolas realized in horror that the forest was literally covered in huge spiders. Dorlinen cursed again.  
  
"Prince Randir!" Dorlinen shouted. "Where are you? We must get out of here!"  
  
Legolas was suddenly very grateful he had learned to use his bow so well. With every spider he killed, there were three more he needed to strike. He was very glad he could get them long before they could get him.  
  
"There's too many, Prince Legolas! Our quivers will be empty too early!"  
  
"What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Order me to flee, you idiot!"  
  
"Why do I have to? Randir! Where's Randir? Randir!!!"  
  
"They will have gotten him by now!" Dorlinen shouted.  
  
"What? You're mad! They haven't gotten him! That's impossible!"  
  
"No it's not! We need to go for help, Prince Legolas!"  
  
"Would you STOP calling me 'prince' and would you STOP saying they've got Randir?" Legolas yelled, his fury and fear growing. "Randir! Randir!!! Where are you, you idiot! Come out! This isn't funny!"  
  
"We need to go for help whether you like it or not! My quiver's empty!" Dorlinen grunted as a spider jumped on top of him, but he unsheathed a bright sword and stabbed it in its soft belly.  
  
"Dorl!" Legolas almost squeaked. "Dorl! Oh no! Did he kill you?"  
  
"He didn't kill me. He bit me!"  
  
"Alright, you need to get out of here before the poison spreads! Go to the nearest border guard. I think it's that way!" Legolas pointed briefly in the direction he was pretty sure was southeast.  
  
"I can't see you pointing, but I know where it is. Come on!" Dorlinen ran and stumbled off and Legolas hoped desperately he'd make it, and that he wouldn't realize Legolas wasn't following.  
  
Legolas shot one more spider and ran to the nest. If they had Randir the nest was where he'd be. The young prince only wished he could see where he was going. He couldn't see where the web was or where any tied up Elves might be.  
  
Legolas cried out as a particularly large arachnid landed and curled up right next to him. He frowned, he hadn't killed that spider.  
  
"Sorry about that!" someone shouted from the trees.  
  
"Randir?" Legolas squinted up at the trees above him, but his brother saved him the trouble and jumped down next to him. "Randir, you idiot! We thought they had you!"  
  
"Well, they don't," Randir said with a shrug. "Now stop blaming me for your troubles and kill some spiders!" He followed his own advice and aimed for another one of the bigger ones. "They'll be scared of you if you kill the really big ones. Besides, the big ones are the leaders and the true threat anyway. Use two arrows, though."  
  
Legolas used two arrows, and in doing so used the last of them. "My quiver's empty!"  
  
"Let's get going then!" Randir said simply. "Wait, where's the door?"  
  
"He's going to the nearest border guard post. A spider bit him."  
  
"We'd best go after him. He won't make it. Come on, Legolas!" Randir used two more of his arrows and ran. Legolas was sure to keep neck-and-neck with him.  
  
"The spiders are following us!"  
  
"Well, they should, shouldn't they? And we should split up. You go after Dorlinen, but go quietly and try not to let them see you. I'll distract them." Randir pushed Legolas down into some bushes and shot a spider before turning his course slightly. His plan worked and as far as Legolas could tell, all of the spiders followed the elder prince.  
  
Legolas crawled as fast as he could from bush to bush, looked up to make sure nothing was following him, and he sprinted off. He'd only gone a few steps though before he tripped and landed hard on the ground.  
  
"Sorr. . .rrrry abou'. . . tha' Legolaaa. . ." Dorlinen slurred. His hand firmly gripped Legolas' ankle.  
  
"Oh, that's alright," Legolas said as light-heartedly as he could. "I would have gone right past you if you hadn't have done that." He pulled Dorlinen up and over his shoulder. "Let's go somewhere that's very far from here, shall we?  
  
"Ran. . . ir?"  
  
"He's fine. You were wrong, the spiders didn't get him." Legolas knew the border guard was very nearby now. He grinned when he saw it and beamed when Elves with spears and bows suddenly materialized around him.  
  
"Prince Legolas? What the-"  
  
"My friend's been bitten by a spider."  
  
"Oh. Uh. . . right."  
  
Two Elves took Dorlinen and carried him into the trees.  
  
"I need you to not say anything of this to the king, alright?" Legolas ordered shakily, realizing that word of this was bound to reach the king - and worst of all, they hadn't even gotten any threads! He nearly kicked himself, he was thinking like Randir. "Randir!" his eyes widened when he remembered his brother.  
  
The other Elves looked very confused and awkward but caught on to what Legolas must be talking about rather quickly. "Was the Crown Prince Randir taken by the spiders?"  
  
T/N: You readers love Randir too much for his own good! Muahahahaaa. . .  
  
~*Tafi*~ 


End file.
